Cyclones, Seasons, and Attitude.

Hello all,

I hope the past few months has seen joys, challenges over come, lessons learned and life lived for you. I have indeed had my share, 2017 has been a particularly challenging and unusual year (though I am sure all of us could say that for every year of our lives). I have had many unexpected (and unwanted) lessons and am still working on learning the lessons of some current challenges.

My "I can't believe I was up at 4am to get here  and walk 30km
and now they are making us wait 1.5 hours before starting" face.

Because of this, this blog posting is going to be a mish-mash of thoughts, stories, and possibly some ranting. You have been warned.

Professionally, we have almost managed to get to the end of cyclone season here in Madagascar, with only a mild beating from cyclone ENAWO on March 7th-9th. This cyclone hit right along where we have one of our bases on the northeast coast of the island, and because of this, MEDAIR became a focus for all other agencies to work with and thru because we were the only ones who already had an established team, know the area, transport, etc. This has proved both good and bad. In the first few days and weeks, it was an incredibly stressful, fastpast, and well, emergency response setting. We were able to do good assessments on the ground, guide/advice other UN branches and NGOs in knowledge of the area. Additionally, we received significant media attention and financial benefits from the situation to be able to respond to the needs in the area.

Ready, set, go

Just as a side note, again and again, when I have been present in an area where there is high media attention (i.e.Afghanistan, Madagascar during a cyclone emergency, Israel, etc.) I find again and again how mis-represented both the heart of the situation is, as well as the statistical details. This saddens me, as I like to think that media help us be aware of what is going on in other parts of the world and look to the needs of others rather than keeping in our own little boxes. I hope this continues to be true, but felt it was worthy of a comment, as you all follow world news, realize that you are truly missing the life of the moment as it is taken, analyzed, discussed, and re-created into that which media outlets 'see-fit-to-print', 'give-a-balanced-perspective-of-the-world', 'open-our-eyes-to-the-truth'. Ok, enough on my personal advice to you to thoughtfully consider that which you take as fact and truth.

So, while I have only been in Madagascar 10 months (as of Wednesday), and would not claim to have even a good understanding of the culture in this country, I feel I have at least earned the right to my own observations and opinions. I would recommend it as a travel destination (as you can see it is beautiful), but not necessarily as a living destination. That said, I have met many people (recently) who truly love living here.

 I have to say well done to Peace Corps for their work here. It is one of the very few countries in the world where I have been where most people have a very good opinion of Americans and start speaking to me in the local language when they find out I am American. This is largely due to the major Peace Corps presences here, inclusive of good language training for their volunteers.

Perceptions of French and English speakers are very contrary to what I would have expected. A significant motivation for my coming here was to work on studying French, and I had the original understanding that French was a common language throughout the country and people would be easy to communicate with if only I could get my self together and SPEAK FRENCH!


Wrong.

I now know, my previous assumptions were completely wrong in every possible way.
A. When I start speaking French high educated Malagasy can tell I am American almost immediately because they have studied English and perhaps work with other Americans, or at least can hear I am not French by my accent. (me? what accent?!)

B. If I speak French with a low educated Malagasy, such as a taxi driver, they either assume I am French and start chatting away, or can hardly speak French themselves, so even my efforts at French don't get us very far. But to my great satisfaction, native French speakers can't get much further speaking French with most taxi drivers than I can (I probably take too much joy from this).

C. Your average Malagasy on the streets of the capital city can speak some French, but would far prefer to learn/speak English because of what I can call the 'generational hang-over' from colonialism (French colonialism obviously). There is an underlying distaste for the French presences here. While it is far from outwardly hostile or dangerous as it is in some other post-colonial countries, and some people may deny it entirely, I see it and it is interesting to observe it in the mannerisms of many locals toward French in authority in the country. And rest assured, there are still plenty of French in high places here. This maybe to large of a generalization, but all I am saying is that you CAN see it in some places, surely not everywhere. Many city born, low earning Malagasy also see English as their way to higher earnings and way to connect with the outside world and are eager to learn.

I love this. The high-tech hikers, with the local lady in
barefeet, with probably 10+lbs on her head!! Amazing!

D. If you go out anywhere in the bush (basically outside of the only large city, the capital, you are in the bush) and you are a white person, they think you are either a tourist or if you seem local enough and white, they think you may be a Peace Corps member (i.e. American) and thus trained in the local Malagasy language and start speaking to you in Malagasy.

So all in all, communication is not the easiest thing in the world here. Forget being articulate, just figure out which melange (mix) of languages you will use with a person or group.

Add in the aspects of the culture that it is a conflict adverse (Asian cultural influences I think), non-planning culture (a common aspect of developing nations). So you constantly have situations where people have no understanding of what you meant, but they say they understand and walk away, or completely disagree with what they think you said and go away upset without confirming what you meant, or times when someone actually understands - but disagrees - but does not say a word because they are avoiding conflict. This has the potential to build --until they explode, quit, gossip, or you guess right about what they are thinking. Of course this is not true for the entire population, and over all it is a very, very docile population (all the sunshine maybe?) but these are still very evident characteristics of the culture. I hope I gain a deeper understanding of their logic before I leave.

Still feeling ok and enjoying the local encouragement
as we pass thru villages. 

Of course, as I prefaced, I do not claim to be an expert and I am learning more all the time about the culture. For those of you who have not heard the analogy, culture is like a giant iceberg, you only see about 10% on the surface, but under the water you have 90% more to discover. I dont even know the 10% on the top which is supposed to be obvious, like wedding and holiday traditions. I always like to say, I know I have asked a good cultural question if the person looks at me like I am stupid, with a face that says 'are you seriously asking me that? How can you not know the answer to that?". This is when I know I have touched on what is so intuitive to them (and I have no clue) that it is a piece of culture. Anyway, I dont wish to give a bad impression. Those who know me well have known my struggles here and I am working my way thru with the incredible grace and mercy and patience of my wonderful savior Christ-Jesus, without whom I would have jumped ship after the first month, and it might not have been a figure of speech then.

Ok, on to happier times. In case it hasn't come thru yet, I am going to hike Mt. Kilimanjaro. At least that is the plan. May 23rd I start up the mountain with a small team and a couple of other random tourists I have yet to meet. (The offer still stands for anyone to join me. You know, in case you are fit, motivated, and ready to jump on a plane to Tanzania in 2 weeks!! :)) It was a surprisingly spontaneous decision, and I am not one to go back once I have made a decision. I may wish I did though. Time will tell. I bad the decision and started the physical training the week of the cyclone (perhaps the cyclone hit me harder than I thought). Never the less, I have persisted in my training and reading, shopping (yes, lots and lots of shopping had to happen for every

Ok, no longer fun around 5 hours. major blisters and aching feet. 

piece of equipment from sunglass cord to jacket for the arctic climatic zone at the summit, and everything in between.) Thanks to my parents for trying on all mannerism of clothing item over skype to help me decide on items to send to a colleage's parents in North Caroline who were coming to visit her a few weeks ago and were willing to bring a duffle bag full of stuff to a compete stranger. this i when I know my logistical training is coming in handy in life.

Physical training was not as challenging in the ways one might expect. Though, as I had a broken toe in December, and really had not yet gotten back into regular exercise I was definitely starting from way below my normal fitness level and trying to surpass any level I have been at before, on my own...with out a team or coach or normal gym...during a cyclone response....in the field for several weeks at a time. So actually, yes, that was challenging. I always have had great respect for elite athletes and marathon runners etc, but now I have all the more insight and respect for them. Training can be challenging, but to be motivated to do hard training again, and again, and again, and just keep pushing and pushing, is truly HARD WORK!

My motivation started to die about 3 weeks ago. After I had gone thru all the training in the field, shopping and try on sessions with family, decisions about flights and which routes up the mountain, which travel company, which dates, how many days of hiking, etc. etc. etc. Yes, I could have pulled out.....but hey, life is an adventure, I am strong, fit, going to Tanzania already, have put in so much time effort and funds, lets do this and do it well. Like most travel, it has ended up significantly more expensive than originally expected, especially for a vacation in a developing country.

I have stayed the course, literally and figuratively and I am sure I will enjoy the great outdoors, the physical challenge, and speaking English for a full week no matter what else happens. But I do hope to have many good stories to share with you from that trip.

I finished 31km/19.2 miles in about 6 hours 26 minutes.
done. Now for Kilimanjaro I need to do that long of a walk
 about 6 days in a row. No problem  

The planning has also given me significant motivation to find other ways of training than the gym, fitness videos, and staying in town. So I have been able to do a couple of cool hikes that I might not have done. For example over Easter Weekend with some friends we hiked the 2nd highest peak in the country (the highest is not accessible currently) Peak Bobby as it is known. Also, yesterday in fact, I did a local event called UTOP, where you can do a 120km, 65km, or 31km course. I did the 31km course in just under 6 hours 30 mins, mostly walking, but defiantly had the heaviest pack of alll 1500 participants, as I was using it as a training session for my Kili gear. So I loaded up my backpack with 10km, about 20 lbs. and set off. It was very enlightening, as was the Easter hike about which body parts still need some work. In March was my back-side and my calves, yesterday I found my feet and shoes need to be sorted a bit better in the next two weeks before I take off.

Well massaged and oiled legs with my bag and race bid,
in the taxi on the way home. 

Ok, I think I have bored you enough with my current state. I love hearing from anyone interested enough to read through all this and even if you just skipped to the end and are reading this, keep me updated on you corner of the globe.

While I am not sure how much longer I will be working here I am always watching for where the Lord will lead me next and will surely be back in CA in July for my gparents 60 anniversary celebrations! Be in touch!

May hope, joy, and peace beyond understanding be yours, along with God's guidance and faith to step past your own personal 'impossible' line, each day.

Until next time,
Jessica

Some New Year Thoughts....

So here we are again, back at the start of a new year....

(NOTE PICTURES ARE INTENDED TO ENCOURAGE YOU TO REFLECT IN PEACE :))

I always find it interesting how some people (and cultures) make a major deal about starting the new year off 'right' with all kinds of focus on resolutions, re-setting priorities, 'making a plan', etc. Don`t get me wrong, I think these are all generally good and important things to do, but my question is why do we wait a whole stickin' year to look at our lives and re-evaluate?

Why do we not do this more often? I mean,  I think most people do this on a smaller level every day and in many cases ever hour or even more often. As we wake up, it is pretty common in western cultures to have a plan for the day (particularly a week day). In your job, I imagine you have a list of priorities in your tasks, and if asked, most people can list off their personal priorities such as family, health, faith, personal hobby, etc. in whatever order comes to mind when asked, weather it seem rehearsed or not.

But what if we actually created space for ourselves to think on a deeper level about not only our general priorities (which are often set and then not re-evaluate until something screams for our attention) but if our lives reflect what we say, or what we want them to show as our priories? I am of course coming at this from a very western minded perspective, where we count time as one of our most valuable resources and efficiency, planning, and other similar things have high value. It is often assumed that the same is true all over the world, but in reality it is not 'valued' / looked at in the same way as us efficiency focused cultures.
But anyway, enough of my qualifying my own cultural perspective, the point - my point and hope for myself is to do a better job of evaluating and making small adjustments all the time. This is not my plan for 2017, this is my plan for my life, for me, for my character growth, care for those around me, and to attain the larger goals of my life.

As someone once told me (or reminded me multiple times every time we spoke for several years - thanks dad) ' it is good to have margins' in life. Me. and you who I imagine are reading this, do not normally plan 'margins' into our lives. Sure, some of you are always punctual and you are good about planning enough in advance for the traffic to be somewhere on time (this is not me). But what about time 'away' just for the sake of it. To be with family, be outdoors, be with God? How often does this REALLY happen? Even for me, when I take a 'vacation' as a single person and hope to spend some time in solitude, one would think that all my times are full of meaningful reflection, right? HA! wrong.
To step away from the swirling world, stress, physical, mental, emotional state of living in a broken world takes intentionality and motivation. One or the other of which I am often lacking.

I am, and I imagine you might be as well, often full of good intentions - to take time for myself or to give of myself to others in hopes of making a positive difference. But really, is that what we were created for? Oh, sure, yes, on some level yes. But really, for me, if my heart is not right with the Lord, I have no hope of helping others. If I am drowning, how can I throw my life-vest to someone else. Only when I am swimming strongly, healthy, alert, with keen eye -sight can I really see who around me is drowning and how to give help that will actually make a difference.

This is the kind of person I want to be. I want to be solid. This does not mean perfect (though of course that would be great too.) No, I want to be able to throw out all the help lines needed to people drowning around me. There of course is no chance of me doing this as me, Jessica, amazing life-guard. No, no, I have tried that and I don't like the results (neither did others I tried to 'save').
No, it is only when I am solidly rooted in Christ and who I am in Him and what he has done for me, can I go to battle for someone else. Even in times of self-growth, I find I need to pull back from going to battle for others and deal with my own issues.

I don`t mean that we can`t do anything for other people until we are perfect (thank goodness this is not true), and of course God can use us when we are even 'pathetic' to minister to another. I simply mean that God is God and we are not. If we think we have to be giving giving and going going, without ever sitting sitting, I am thinking thinking it will not go as well as we might have thought. This blog comes out of a reflection on my own past 6 months.

As many of you already know (because I have made little effort at hiding it) I have really struggled over the past few months with my own outlook and attitude in my current environment. I kept on trying to reach out and help others, I wanted to make a difference, but I was not dealing with much of the issue which has been in my own heart. I knew it needed the work, but still struggled to focus on that internal problem instead of the problems I saw external to myself.

I dont mean there are only problems with me that I have control over or need to be improved, I simply mean that the external struggle was kinda set against me when I wasn`t able to get my own self in order. And of course, there in lies the struggle, because it is never me who can get my own self 'in order'. It is only when I am the right place with the Lord that things are ordered and I can stand and strike from a place of authority and strength.

I will spare you the long sob story, but I will simply say that even though all this time I knew it was my own heart I was struggling with (and am working for some resolution) I have only recently realized that that is ok. That it is ok to step back from trying to be the super-Christ - follower I like to think I can and should be able to be and simply be a Child of God and ask questions for myself and hear what He has for me.

This may be going a bit personal on you all, but I figured you could handle it, being the new year and all. :) I also just wanted to try to encourage you to receive the grace that has already been extended to you. To take the time to know your own heart and to hear the next thing that God wants to do with it. Yikes! That is scary. Ok, I might have just crossed the line with some of you. Yes, God wants to do more with you. Fortunately or unfortunately, depending on your current attitude, God is not yet done with us. The past few months I would have viewed that as an unfortunate inconvenience , but I think I have reached the place that I am eagerly looking for the next step, if only in order to move out of my current place.

Ok, ok, I suppose I have made my point....or perhaps not made any point at all. But let me leave it with the encouragement of new beginnings, a battle already won, and chance for improvement at each conversation with those around us. And with the challenge of finding balance between and within life's seasons and with serving, while being able to receive from the greatest servant who ever lived.


Happy New Year/month/week/day/hour/moment!

Philippians 4:4: 
Rejoice in the Lord always: and again I say, Rejoice

Lamentations 3:22-23: 
The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases;[a]
    his mercies never come to an end;
23 they are new every morning;
    great is your faithfulness.

Ephesians 6:12:
12 For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.