Wednesday, October 30, 2013

Here I am, There I am....

Here I am, There I am....I'm simply loosing track of myself these days...which may also be reflected in this posting....
Hiking in Liechtenstein.
NOTE: the pictures within are unconnected to what I actually am writing about. Just wanted to share some good memories. 
Well, I failed to do an ending post for Geneva; I failed to do a re-entry blog for Pittsburgh; and I feel like I'm failing to be in touch with the world around me. You know that feeling of trying to slow yourself down in life, but not being able to? Well, I thought that taking fewer credits this semester would allow me a slower pace through my last semester of grad school (and possibly school forever!) It has been lovely to only technically have 4 courses, as opposed to my usual 5-7 courses. However, it has not proved an easy semester by any measurement.

A friend and I hiking Aletsch Glacier - on my Birthday!
Upon returning to Pittsburgh at the start of September, I arrived a week late for classes, with no car, no housing, (almost) no books, an unset class schedule and serious jet lag from going Geneva- CA, CA- Pittsburgh over the course of 4 days. While I knew all of that was coming well ahead of time, and did my best to avoid a lot of it (such as housing search, pre-register, book buying etc.) it somehow did not not seem to help.

Though I can list complaints, I can list endless blessings. The weeks have passed, I've gotten housing in a great location, my car driven out from CA by my awesome mom, started a new bible study last week, etc. and I'm now half way through the semester. While I could write all day about surprising things that have happened this semester, everything from my phone being stolen and getting it back, to being offered to join a training with an IO next week for a possible job, I'd rather comment on the future.


Classmates at my Birthday/ going away party in Geneva
I am constantly amazed at the different ways that the Lord leads people. Not bad, good, better, or worse, just plain different. It's a good thing He gives us all different passions and abilities, because there are a whole ton of things I can't imagine spending my life doing which others love to do and I'm thrilled to not have to do. I'm also reminded of this when time and time again people respond to things I have done or plan to do in my life with 'what a great opportunity', 'best to travel while you're young', 'good thing you are doing that now', etc. These comments continue to surprise me whenever I hear them, because they are simply incomprehensible to me.

The idea that 'traveling while I'm young' is what my life up until this point demonstrates to some people saddens me. Or their idea that the service work I have done is so surprising and is interpreted as a 'once in a life time experience' from which I'll draw fond memories for the rest of my 'normal existence'. My sadness and a bit of frustration comes from 2 sources;

A.) I wish for my life to be a reflection of Christ's leading and demonstrate themes He is developing for my life, such as serving in overseas locations and a heart to help others. (Mind you, I don't claim I'm doing this, just that these are ways in which I feel the Lord is leading.) I don't want people to see each piece of my life, but rather to see it all as evidence of Christ at work in this world.

It was an AWESOME Birthday hiking along the glacier.
B.) It also saddens me because I often get the sense from people that things that I have done are just not for them. I get the impression that they wish they 'got to do cool things' like travel, etc. My hope in this area is that others do not box themselves in. We are each capable of soo very much as the Lord leads us, and I think we often limit our view of where God can take us so we don't even start on that path. Service activities and living overseas is not possible, interesting, or desirable to everyone, but I think our amazement at how another lives his or her life should not be because we have limited ourselves to less than God intended, but rather because of His ability to empower each of us in different directions with different passions and skills.

So to those who are amazed or even jealous of something someone else has done or even their 'way of life,' I ask, 'Why not you?' Why don't you see what amazing things the Lord has laid ready and waiting for you to ask Him about?
Church friends at Birthday / going away party.

As for me...I'm amazed at accountants, electricians and people who have lived for 10+ years in the same city.

All that being said, I'm looking at 7 more weeks in my final semester to complete 2 masters capstone papers, and all my normal course work while job searching and talking 10 days out of the middle to return to Switzerland. On Friday the 1st, I'll head back to Switzerland for a week long training with an international humanitarian aid organization. I'll go through the week as a mutual check on if this is really what I want to be doing and if the organization thinks I can do it. After that, it's wherever the Lord leads, French speaking African nations are likely possibilities. But let's not get ahead of ourselves. :)

Thus, I end with the 'future' after dragging you all through some of my thoughts in the last few weeks at the reactions of people toward 'my future'. Now, being so very close to what I've envisioned doing for so long, I'm forcing myself to step back to be sure I'm not just 'doing this because it is the next thing to do. No,  I want to do the next thing because it is exactly what the Lord has prepared in advance for me to do.

Final hangout with church friends. 

My prayer is that each step and choice is lead by the Lord, that each of us do not walk down a path because it looks simple, easy, well worn, or with recognizable foliage around it. Let's choose to follow the singular way that the Lord leads us, and then when sharing with others we won't be surprised that theirs is so different or has unusual scenery when compared to our own. We will know that it is because we are walking on our path and no one else is seeing God like us, no one else is equipped to walk where you are walking, to touch the people you are touching or to reflect Christ's light, as you are doing.

As I struggle through my last semester, wanting to be in so many other places, with so many other people, doing basically anything else, I'm struck by the beauty of each day in which I consciously choose to recognize the blessings right in front of me instead of longing for the future. I'm learning and I'm growing and there are people near enough to influence for Christ. That's enough. Done.

May your days be sweet because you choose to follow Him.
Blessings,
Jessica

Amazin' views while hiking in Liechtenstein!!!